So, it’s Thanksgiving. As it’s Thanksgiving, I’m going to forgo a diatribe about some ridiculous shit. Instead, I’m going to list seven things that I, as an easily amused and often inebriated attorney, am thankful for.
What happened this weekend? Well, Trump supported safe spaces, people decided that forcing baristas to say Trump’s name was somehow a punishment, Ted Cruz still looks like Cousin Eddie, and, because even in the fever dream that is 2016 we need some hope, I watched Band of Brothers for the 18th time.
This morning came with the news from Andrew Dunn on CharlotteAgenda.com breaking out the news that Charlotte School of Law , much like Delta Tau Chi, has found itself placed on probation by the American Bar Association. In a statement released by the American Bar Association, it’s clear that the probation is not “super secret double probation” that can be resolved with a rousing party and the crashing of the homecoming parade. Instead, the school’s probation follows a decision letter from the accreditation committee regarding Charlotte Law’s allegedly low standards and the appeal therefrom, and essentially upholds the determination letter by stating:
[T]he Council affirmed the Committee’s conclusions that the Law School is not in compliance with Standards 301(a), 501(a), and 501(b).
Maybe this shouldn’t surprise the Charlotte School of Law community, though, as for the last four administrations of the bar exam the first-time passage rate has been less than 50%, dipping as low as 34.7% this past February. Of course, even the bar passage rate shouldn’t be a surprise, considering in 2015 their LSAT score range was from a 25% percentile score of 140 all the way to the blistering high LSAT score in the 75% percentile of 145, and GPA’s ranging from a low of 2.51 to a sky-high average of 3.17. Notably, these statements are from Charlotte School of Law’s own 509 Disclosure.
Well, isn’t that just comforting.
Holy fuck, so how about that Parrot thing? That was wild. Why do you think that got so popular? Righteous indignation? Maybe some joy in correcting the record? It’s possible, but I got another theory.
People really like it when lawyers fuck up.
There’s an area of contract law that deals with voiding out contracts based on a mistake. Without going into too much detail, because I’m not trying to write a fucking hornbook on the subject, there are two types of mistakes: Unilateral Mistakes (one guy was a dumbass) and Mutual Mistakes (both guys were dumbasses). You can’t get a contract thrown out because you alone were a dumbass, you can get one thrown out because everybody was a dumbass.
This does not apply to the Pentagon, whose dumbassery is legendary and undeniable. The dumbassery of the Pentagon, it seems, is so enormous, so monumental, and so expected that it apparently is the legal duty of those under its command to expect them to fuck things up. Hence the reason that men and women who entered into contracts with it and gave due consideration in the form of years of their lives, their sanity, and their youth are being told those contracts are worth less than toilet paper.
Of course, the people telling them that are the same dipshits that spend thousands of dollars on a roll of Charmin, so at least there’s that.