Stop Living Like a Pro Athlete: 5 Financial F’Ups of Small Lawyers, Part 2

Alright, so on Monday I covered two of the financial mistakes that small-firm and solo lawyers tend to make that leave them holding tin cups in front of bar association functions crying “Alms!” I promised you guys we’d continue this series, and conclude it, today, so in order to do that we’re not going to spend a lot of time prefacing crap this morning. Instead, let’s get right into talking about Financial F’Ups 3-5 for the Small Lawyer!

If you need a refresher on the shit I told you Monday, and you may because you assholes leak like a sieve when it comes to retaining information, you can re-read Part 1 here, which advises you to plan to make less money and live frugally. I don’t really expect you assholes to listen to me, because as a whole lawyers suck at taking advice from other people.

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TiffanyvTwitter: An Open Letter To Tiff

Okay, so back in February I wrote about Tiffany Dehen, a USD Law graduate who filed a rambling, incoherent, and largely incomprehensible complaint as a result of someone creating a fake Twitter profile of her that implied her conservative political views meant she was a Nazi. Since that time, I decided it was best to leave well-enough alone, as Tiffany had proven herself to be sort of the litigious type and I wasn’t exactly interested in being dragged into the undertow on the sea of crazy that appeared to be brewing, and the fact that talking about Tiffany seemed a little too much like kicking a handicapped puppy. She was clearly out of her depth in this matter, suing both Twitter and her law school for $100,000,000 for the ostensible damage to her reputation.

This was, in my opinion, exactly the sort of lawsuit that the courts sort out on their own, without any interference from me or any other the other internet lawyer blogs who wrote about it.

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Stop Living Like a Pro Athlete: 5 Financial F’Ups of Small Lawyers, Part 1

This weekend I got a new car, and it got me thinking about a few things. Primarily, it got me thinking about how financially overextended a lot of young lawyers, and for that matter older lawyers, tend to be these days. Law school ain’t cheap, and at the end of the day a lot of us started practicing law with the idea it would lead to a better set of financial circumstances like…you know…being able to fucking eat real food on occasion and having a couple suits that aren’t from the local goddamn department store.

Of course, as I’ve posted many fucking times over by now, this was the first example of an attorney being stupider than their clients in so goddamn many ways, and making so many assumptions. I’m not exactly treading any new ground in talking about this one, either, as there are blogs out there like the Big Law Investor who talk specifically about finance and attorneys. That blog, by the way, is ran by a dude who hangs out in the LawyerSlack, and he’s a fairly successful, awesome guy that’s a lot of fun to fuck with. However, some of his advice, like “11 Financial Mistakes Lawyers Make” , is woefully written for the BigLaw associates with a six-figure pay day, signing bonuses, and annual bonuses that triple or quadruple their income over that of your standard solo-small firm guy.

So today and Wednesday, I’m gonna talk about us little guys, those of us who buy our suits at a discount from Boscov’s or from consignment shops, drive older cars, and glare at the mounting pile of bills each month. That’s right, motherfuckers, I’m going to talk about the Five Financial Fuck-Ups of Small Lawyers.

Now, I’m not talking about “keeping your practice overhead low” or shit like that. That’s another post all together. What I’m talking about today and Wednesday is your personal finances, and how I see a lot of guys fucking them up with some common mistakes.

Today we’ll talk about the two biggest fucking mistakes I see: Assuming your salary, and living the lawyer life.

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Freaky Friday: The Case of the Greenbrier Ghost

Oh, is it that time of the month again?  The time to let the demons, ghosties, ghoulies, and all the little strange things out of the basement to play? Why yes, yes it is, it’s Freaky Friday on Lawyers & Liquor where I’ll be talking about all the weird stuff that tends to clog up, or is tangentially related to, the legal system like so much ectoplasm running down the walls of that house you just got for an insanely cheap price.

Today’s journey into the dark unknowns of the dark corners where things go “Objection!” in the night takes us to the hills and hollers of West Virginia in 1897.  Coal was king, the people were a little less sophisticated, and, as was the fashion at the time, the men all tied an onion to their belt. The place is Greenbrier County, and the case?

Well, that would be the case of a ghost leading to the conviction of its own murderer. That’s right, today we’re gonna shiver under the blankets, light a flashlight under our faces to set the mood, and ramble about the Ghastly Case of the Greenbrier Ghost.

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