A Book Review: “Furry Nation” by Joe Strike

So not too long ago I got a reach-out (not a reach-around) from the publicist for a new author with a new book coming out. This has happened before, mainly because a little lady from the Carolinas named Portia Porter once talked me into reviewing her book. Since then, I occasionally get a request from some author or company to give a read to a book and let loose the dogs of war on the piece. The vast majority of them I’ve turned down, simply because I don’t have enough time in the day as it is without paging through somebody’s vanity piece looking for good things to say about it.

So it wasn’t exactly out of the normal when, a bit back, the publisher (or publicist) for another author reached out and asked if I would play Pimp Daddy Boozy to a book about the goddamn furries that pull my strings these days. The book in question was the new survey of the history of the furry fandom, “Furry Nation” by Joe Strike (Yes, that link takes you to the Amazon page where you can buy the sucker). I was, personally, a little taken aback to be asked first to promote the book, but they quickly followed up with an email saying, essentially, “Here’s a review copy, we get that you won’t blindly endorse the book.” So, you know, free book motherfuckers! But more importantly, a free chance to learn a bit more about the furry fandom from someone that’s been hanging around it for longer than a lot of the folks I’ve been dirtying myself up by mingling with.

And guys, I gotta say, it was a pretty good read.

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Film Friday: Talking About Brian Cuban’s “The Addicted Lawyer”

Here’s the worst kept secret in the legal industry: lawyers are, by and large, addicts.  Seriously, it’s a massive problem in the profession. We drink to excess, both personally and professionally, pretty much from the moment we enter law school until the moment we retire from the practice. A bar event is almost always going to have an open bar at it, and, as a recent discussion in the Lawyer Slack pointed out, people that order something “not booze” at networking or professional events may be subject to suspicion or even ridicule for their choice to enjoy a nice, cold glass of milk rather than a white russian.

I have no snark for you today.  I can’t make myself joke or curse about this topic. I know too many people that are or were in the grasps of it, and have seen careers and lives end because of it.

Not mine, of course. I’m lucky in that I discovered, after much worry, that I wasn’t an addict and I was capable of saying “No” and stopping after a couple. I know, I’m ruining the mystique. Fuck you. I get to. That was a concern of mine when I was younger.  I like liquor, but I like living more.

Want the other worst kept secret in the legal profession? Your addicted lawyer likely isn’t seeking help for their addiction. Either we’re afraid of the very public stigma of admitting we have a problem, the professional stigma of admitting we have a problem, or we’re afraid of the almighty Disciplinary Board swooping in to deprive us of our livelihoods with the simple words “License Suspended.” A lawyer without a license to practice isn’t a lawyer, he’s an overeducated burger flipper and a disgrace to the profession. And, for an attorney, the loss of the license isn’t just the lost of a career…it can be the loss of your identity. You’ve been a lawyer for years, decades even. Most of your friends are lawyers. Your life has revolved around being a lawyer.

When a lawyer loses their license, they in some way lose a big chunk of themselves…and that’s fucking terrifying. So, we don’t seek out help when we’re one shot too many into the evening, or when we’re suffering from crippling depression, or when there’s a pile of cocaine calling us. Because we’re scared of the consequences, which can be swift and sudden.

So, when Brian Cuban , attorney and advocate for lawyers getting fucking help, announced the release of his new book, “The Addicted Lawyer: Tales of the Bar, Booze, Blow, and Redemption” , I was quick to pre-order a copy and then wait expectantly for its arrival.  I devoured it.  Twice.  Then a third time.  Then…well…then, in the immortal words of Elton John, I sat down to and wrote this song.

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Joe Pesci Having Sweaty Sex: A Review of Larry Kelter’s “Back to Brooklyn”

So, I love My Cousin Vinny. I don’t think there’s a lawyer in existence that doesn’t love it. Yeah, yeah, as we saw in the last Film Friday there are some errors in how shit goes down and the presentation of trying a case out of state, but still and all it’s a great fucking movie that captures the realistic and procedural absurdity of a real courtroom and trial perfectly. That’s why when Larry Kelter let me know that he had written a motherfucking sequel to the trial exploits of Vincent Gambini, the foul-mouthed attorney who set an Alabama murder trial on its heads and questioned the physics of a man’s stove on the record, I leaped at the chance to grab an advance copy and review it.

Then I promptly sat on my ass and repeated promised Larry the review would be “coming soon,” because I’m a piece of shit.

But I finally got through with Back to Brooklyn, which you can find through that link on Amazon, and let me say this:

Fuck you, Larry Kelter, for making me form the mental picture of Joe Pesci and Marisa Tomei going at it.

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“Can You Stiff Your Divorce Lawyer?” Answer: What the hell man?

Portia Porter, Esq. is a terrible writer.  Her book, Can You Stiff Your Divorce Lawyer? is likewise terrible.  It is a long, ponderous read of little value.  In attempts to be amusing, Ms. Porter comes off less like an experienced attorney and more like the kid on the playground trying to make people like her.  Both her talent as an author, and her expertise as a legal advocate, is called into question by this meandering, inaccurate, and frankly quite silly book.

Besides, I have it on good authority that she’s actually a supporter of several racially divisive groups, enjoys eating kittens with her morning coffee, and secretly supports terrorist armies in her spare time.  All in all, buying her book will almost certainly help fund the downfall of humanity and the destruction of our very nation.

…Ok, are the prospective clients gone?  Good, Good.

Guys, we gotta do something about this Porter lady, because that motherfucker is giving away the whole fucking game.

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