Charlotte-an School of Law: A Eulogy

DING DONG, BROTHERS! You kind and generous folks who have been putting up with my shit longer than a grizzled police detective has been on the force may remember last year’s antics over at the Charlotte School of Law, or as I’ve now dubbed it, “Charlotte House of Pancakes and Legal Learnin’,” an Infinilaw owned cesspool and boil on the butt of barristers the nation over! It really wasn’t that much of a thing, you know, just a little bit of old-fashioned chicanery that got them put on probation, had their ability to accept student loans revoked, and slowly became the death spiral of all times and a great example of how not to “cover your ass” by insulting students and generally sticking their head in the sand as the world falls apart around them.

However, boys and girls, the ride has come to a definite end now, as the Charlotte “I Can’t Believe It’s A” School of Law has now closed those doors forever. Yes, the storied and esteemed history of over six years of proving the ABA accreditation process is so lenient I could likely run a law school from a port-a-potty has come to an end.  Having failed to follow the advice of legal ethics professors everywhere, namely “Don’t Miss A Goddamn Deadline,” not only once but twice in a time where the entire ability of this squad of for-profit fuck-ups to prey on those least likely to ever actually practice the goddamn law was dependent on not missing the goddamn deadline.  This, combined with the fact that the ABA has now definitively stated they have had more than enough of Charlotte “Look Ma, I’m Lawyerin’!” School of Law’s  shit, has led to the final closure of the law school.

So, here to do a moratorium and eulogy for the dearly departed Department of Dipshits that ran the place, let’s bring in the Right Reverend Boozy Barrister from the First Universal Church of Internet Lawyers.

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Arizona Summit Schadenfreude: Another Infinilaw Diploma Mill Goes Down.

OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE THIS SHIT!

So, today was supposed to be all about how to not be the fucking problem in negotiations, but you know what? Fuck that noise. We’ll get back to that shit later. I’ll bore you with all of that some other time, maybe tomorrow, maybe not. We got bigger fish to fry.

Namely how the ABA has decided they need to serve a purpose and started bitch-slapping the shit out of InfiniLaw! That’s right, fresh on the heels of sticking Charlotte School of Law on a probation that seems to be sounding the death knell of that outhouse turned law school, the ABA has tasted some blood and decided to unleash hell on yet another bastion of for-profit, corporate driven legal education. While the body of its sister institution isn’t even cold and is, in fact, still jerking through the final few throes of an inglorious ending, Arizona Summit has found itself sitting squarely in the sights of a now-hungry ABA board.

Oh God, I didn’t think I could get this erect.

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The Estate, The Widow, and a Used Parrot: A War Story

So not too long ago I blasted a guy for making a post about a fucking parrot.  The post called out another attorney for possibly copying a tweet regarding a parrot in a divorce, it got thousands of views, and got me labeled as the “parrot post” guy.  Hell, it got mentioned in an online blog ran by People magazine.  A fucking parrot.

Ever notice how sometimes cases and legal issues in various matters, all of which are unrelated, become similar?  Not too long ago I was retained to sue a titty bar.  Since then, I’ve had a number of cases come in where I’m suing titty bars, all different cases.  Likewise, a while back I got one case against a car dealership, then while it was pending got like three more.  None of these people knew each other.  I have no idea how it happens, but it’s a truth:  For some reason certain types of cases seem to come in clumps.

Which, of course, means that a parrot became the central issue in an estate I handled recently…and then I started getting a variety of pet-related matters.  Determining the ownership of thirty cats.  Figuring out which neighbor’s dog was destroying prize-winning roses.  Etc etc etc.

Because, given my history with the species, of fucking course it would be a goddamn parrot that started the multiple rush of pet cases I’m currently handling.

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Charlotte-an School of Law, Part IV: Jesus fucking christ, can this place just get shut down already?

So back in November I originally posted about how Charlotte School of Law got itself put on super-secret double probation for failing to actually, you know, exhibit some discretion and judgment in accepting students.

Then, in December, I posted about how they were forced away from the government tit like the runt pig when those sweet, sweet student loan dollars were cut off.

Then, earlier this month, I completely lost my shit on Charlotte School of Law, Infinilaw, and the American Bar Association when the school announced plans to send students from the quickly-draining septic tank of their for-profit bone-picking vulture colony to the not-yet-quite-overflowing shit pile of Florida Coastal, another Infinilaw scam.

After three fucking rounds of chastising and berating all those involved with Charlotte School of Law, I thought I’d said my last piece on the matter.  I figure that maybe, just maybe, it was time to let the school suffer its death throes in peace and hope the beleagured students that, likely, should never have been in law school to begin with, made better choices and went to do something productive and profitable, like dealing drugs or becoming holistic healers.  I was ready to move on with my life and just ignore the fact that this weeping boil on the ass of legal education had ever existed.  We were going to part ways, and that was fucking that.

Then I heard the audio of the fucking meeting held in 2015 at Charlotte, where staff actively discussed how unlikely it was for students to pass the bar exam, and how the students were lazy, unmotivated, and needed to be called out for not performing or fulfilling the obligations of a mock bar exam.  Thirty-Seven Minutes of foul-mouthed, meandering, and accusatory lecturing from a member of the Charlotte School of Law staff, all of which boils down to the following:

Frankly, we have to cover our asses.

By the way, that’s not a paraphrasing.  That’s a direct fucking quote.

Can you feel the fucking love?

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The ABA Has Failed Law Students and the Profession

So yesterday I sort of lost my shit on Charlotte School of Law.  I may or may not have implied its administrators were vultures who had no business billing themselves as attorneys or educators.  It’s possible I implied they purposefully sought out and preyed upon those with big dreams but little academic ability and touted the fact they were doing so as being “diverse.”  I may have, possibly, criticized Infinilaw and it’s corporate for-profit law school scam as being akin to DeVry University and various other late-night TV shills.

I stand by every fucking word of that, and now I have more to say, because let’s be frank: the state of legal education in this country is a goddamn shame.  It sucks for the students, but it’s a damn good thing that this shit is coming home to roost in a way that lays low the “printing money” mindset of running a law school.

I say sincerely and with great conviction that I’m looking forward to more law schools getting shut down.  Cooley, we’re all looking at you.

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