InkedFur’s Furry Friday: Fursuit Contracts, Pt. 2 – Kids Ruin Everything

My god, what’s this? Is it…could it be?  Yes, yes it is time to open up the kennel and spread wide all those SPHs, because it’s InkedFur.com’s Furry Friday on Lawyers & Liquor once again. Hold on, let me dig into my Closet of Shame and put on the badger head again before we get the ball rolling.

Alright, so, last time I really pissed some people off by talking about how every single one of you are idiots for the manner in which you do business in re the contracting for and payment for fursuits. I was advised, while enjoying a glass of “Don’t Give a Fuck,” that more than a few fursuit makers were upset because I suggested things like “progress payment plans.” The largest complaint I heard was “We have to make a living! That means  we need the money now to complete other projects and pay our expenses!”

Two things: 1) you’re running a business, maybe on the side but still a business, and you shouldn’t be counting on future funds to pay for past projects and 2) I get it. I really do. This shit isn’t inexpensive to do, and that’s why you need to be more careful about accepting commissions and maybe engaging in smaller work to build capital on the side and get a good reserve of money in before committing to doing this stuff for all or a majority of your income.  Businesses need start-up funding.  Trust me guys, solo lawyers run into the same damn problem all the time, and we do the same thing. Despite the product, your business model is not unique.

But today’s post is really for the fursuit makers and may piss off some of the other members of the fandom, and to that end I say: “Let me pour another glass of ‘Don’t Give a Fuck’ before I get rolling.” Because today? Today I’m going to tell all those awesome fursuit makers out there how letting anyone under the age of 18 order a fursuit from them is a really fucking bad idea business wise and legally.

You pricks done howling in outrage yet?

Awesome, let’s play fetch with your emotions.

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InkedFur’s Furry Friday – Fursuit Contracts: You’re all Morons (Part 1)

 

Funny story: On August 1st I was sitting on a porch in the mountains of Tennessee, reviewing the damage the bears had done the night before to the furniture. In the midst of it though, it hit me: I was on vacation and had forgotten to post the InkedFur.com Furry Friday post for the month of July (By the way, there’s a special code for you reprobates at the end of the post)! Those weren’t bears!  Those were furries!  Furries tracking me through the mountains to make me pay for forgetting about them!  So, this month, in hopes you guys won’t come to my actual goddamn house, here’s a special mid-month edition of Furry Friday where we’re gonna start talking about a highly requested topic:  Fursuit Contracts.

Holy shit, you little fucks suck at money. I mean, you guys make enough of it, a lot of you, and you invest it and shit, and I know for a goddamn fact that there are a lot of you out there who are good, responsible people with your cash in your day to day lives. But Jesus, for the past four months since I started doing these Furry Friday posts all I’ve fucking heard about is people wanting me to start talking about fursuit contracts. It seems like every goddamn time I open up Twitter, one of you is diving headfirst into my messages with a tale of how you gave hundreds or thousands of dollars to a creator only to wait years for someone to deliver a fursuit. You know. If the fursuit was ever delivered to begin with.

Then there’s all the salt over on the other side of the creative fence, where fursuit makers are contacting me and saying shit like “They did a chargeback, what can I do?” or “I shipped and they never paid,” or my new personal favorite: “Could you review my terms of service?”

Terms. of. Service.

…Jesus fucking christ on a pogo stick, my tiny lawyer heart withers a little more each day.

Oh, and let me clear:

Commissioners:  I’m gonna piss you off today.

Fursuit Makers:  I’m gonna piss you off, too.

Fuck it. You all goddamn well deserve it.

Also, let me be clear on one more thing: This isn’t the end.  These fucking commission agreements and how these things are being done have more than one problem with them, and I’m gonna be coming back to this shit.

Today, though, I want to talk about what seems to be one of the biggest fucking sticking point I’m hearing about: Paying.

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Freaky Friday: “Legally, Your House is Haunted.”

Dudes, the law can be downright creepy at times. I’m not talking about stuff like the fact Ted Bundy went to law school, lawyers who are rapists, or any of that sort of mundane shit. I’m talking about “a knock at the door of your cabin in the middle of the woods at 3:00 in the morning” creepy. I’m talking about being upstairs alone in the house and clearly hearing someone downstairs call your name. I’m talking about that feeling you get when you go into the basement for something and from one specific corner you get the feeling there’s someone standing there, staring holes of hatred in your back…but the corner is empty. Yeah, that’s the type of shit I’m talking about here.

This is the first Freaky Friday post here on Lawyers & Liquor, where we’re going to talk about some weird shit that goes down in the practice of the law, from cases that are mysteries on up to the paranormal. “Why are we doing this, Boozy?” I can hear you moan over the clanking chains, “Don’t we have enough themed shit to deal with already?” No, and fuck you. My blog, my rules, and my rules say now is the time we talk about ghosts and shit.

I’m sure you’re thinking, “How much of this shit can there be?”

Well, considering that one of the cases every lawyer learns declares a house to be legally fucking haunted, you tell me.

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Fetish Friday: Not Bound to Be Bound – Master/Slave Contracts

I am such a glutton for punishment. Last week I wrote about the furries, and now I’m speaking at a furry convention next week. My Twitter feed has been taken over by animals.  Someone’s making a fucking fursuit. This is my life now. Seriously. This is my life now.

But it got me thinking: maybe I should make this a thing? I’m already locked into giving the furries (who are great fucking people by the way) one post a month focusing specifically on their legal issues, which we will call “Furry Friday” and will be doing on the last Friday of each month. Why not dive into some other shit on Fridays that nobody else in the blawgosphere is really talking about?

Hence what I am now calling “Fetish Friday,” the first installment of which is today and which will continue until morale improves in general. Third Friday of every month…which is today. And today, today I want to talk about something I read about on Twitter:

Master Slave Contracts. Because I fucking love contracts, and the fact these fucking things exist just blew my tiny little mind right the fuck away.

So, that said, let’s chat.

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Fuck You, Soldier, Pay Me.

There’s an area of contract law that deals with voiding out contracts based on a mistake.  Without going into too much detail, because I’m not trying to write a fucking hornbook on the subject, there are two types of mistakes:  Unilateral Mistakes (one guy was a dumbass) and Mutual Mistakes (both guys were dumbasses).  You can’t get a contract thrown out because you alone were a dumbass, you can get one thrown out because everybody was a dumbass.

 
This does not apply to the Pentagon, whose dumbassery is legendary and undeniable.  The dumbassery of the Pentagon, it seems, is so enormous, so monumental, and so expected that it apparently is the legal duty of those under its command to expect them to fuck things up.  Hence the reason that men and women who entered into contracts with it and gave due consideration in the form of years of their lives, their sanity, and their youth are being told those contracts are worth less than toilet paper.  

Of course, the people telling them that are the same dipshits that spend thousands of dollars on a roll of Charmin, so at least there’s that.

Continue reading “Fuck You, Soldier, Pay Me.”