InkedFur’s Furry Friday: A Minor Issue, Part 1.

Hey you strange creatures from all over the internet, be they furry, scaley, aquatic, or some weird space-faring cannibalistic cheese-wedge! It’s time again for the InkedFur Furry Friday, brought to you once again by the people at the strange hybrid of arts and bulges that is, indeed, InkedFur.com.  Use the supersecret code “listen2badger” for a discount!

While you guys run to the feeding troughs labeled for your species and the avian furs screech loudly and without purpose in your ears, I’m gonna fill the void that is your self-respect with yet another legal issue that touches on the issues of the Furry Fandom as we deep dive into disgrace.

Specifically, we’re going to talk about something that concerns the fuck out of me, and that’s the interactions within the furry fandom of older, and likely well-meaning, members and the younger generation nipping at their heels to take over the torch. Yep, guys, today I’m writing the furry equivalent of a “how to deal with millennials” piece telling you what the pitfalls, legal and practical, are from the social interactions folks may have with minors in the furry fandom, and especially how to take the time to cover your ass while still being supportive. We’re going to do this in two parts: Romantic Interactions and the inherent risks, and next time Social Interactions and the inherent risks.

So, with all the pups and cubs safely in bed, let’s just get right into the whole fucking issue that is the human puppy mill of the furry fandom in “A Minor Problem, Part 1: Your Underage Romance.”

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InkedFur’s Furry Friday: Fursuit Contracts, Pt. 2 – Kids Ruin Everything

My god, what’s this? Is it…could it be?  Yes, yes it is time to open up the kennel and spread wide all those SPHs, because it’s InkedFur.com’s Furry Friday on Lawyers & Liquor once again. Hold on, let me dig into my Closet of Shame and put on the badger head again before we get the ball rolling.

Alright, so, last time I really pissed some people off by talking about how every single one of you are idiots for the manner in which you do business in re the contracting for and payment for fursuits. I was advised, while enjoying a glass of “Don’t Give a Fuck,” that more than a few fursuit makers were upset because I suggested things like “progress payment plans.” The largest complaint I heard was “We have to make a living! That means  we need the money now to complete other projects and pay our expenses!”

Two things: 1) you’re running a business, maybe on the side but still a business, and you shouldn’t be counting on future funds to pay for past projects and 2) I get it. I really do. This shit isn’t inexpensive to do, and that’s why you need to be more careful about accepting commissions and maybe engaging in smaller work to build capital on the side and get a good reserve of money in before committing to doing this stuff for all or a majority of your income.  Businesses need start-up funding.  Trust me guys, solo lawyers run into the same damn problem all the time, and we do the same thing. Despite the product, your business model is not unique.

But today’s post is really for the fursuit makers and may piss off some of the other members of the fandom, and to that end I say: “Let me pour another glass of ‘Don’t Give a Fuck’ before I get rolling.” Because today? Today I’m going to tell all those awesome fursuit makers out there how letting anyone under the age of 18 order a fursuit from them is a really fucking bad idea business wise and legally.

You pricks done howling in outrage yet?

Awesome, let’s play fetch with your emotions.

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InkedFur’s Furry Friday – Fursuit Contracts: You’re all Morons (Part 1)

 

Funny story: On August 1st I was sitting on a porch in the mountains of Tennessee, reviewing the damage the bears had done the night before to the furniture. In the midst of it though, it hit me: I was on vacation and had forgotten to post the InkedFur.com Furry Friday post for the month of July (By the way, there’s a special code for you reprobates at the end of the post)! Those weren’t bears!  Those were furries!  Furries tracking me through the mountains to make me pay for forgetting about them!  So, this month, in hopes you guys won’t come to my actual goddamn house, here’s a special mid-month edition of Furry Friday where we’re gonna start talking about a highly requested topic:  Fursuit Contracts.

Holy shit, you little fucks suck at money. I mean, you guys make enough of it, a lot of you, and you invest it and shit, and I know for a goddamn fact that there are a lot of you out there who are good, responsible people with your cash in your day to day lives. But Jesus, for the past four months since I started doing these Furry Friday posts all I’ve fucking heard about is people wanting me to start talking about fursuit contracts. It seems like every goddamn time I open up Twitter, one of you is diving headfirst into my messages with a tale of how you gave hundreds or thousands of dollars to a creator only to wait years for someone to deliver a fursuit. You know. If the fursuit was ever delivered to begin with.

Then there’s all the salt over on the other side of the creative fence, where fursuit makers are contacting me and saying shit like “They did a chargeback, what can I do?” or “I shipped and they never paid,” or my new personal favorite: “Could you review my terms of service?”

Terms. of. Service.

…Jesus fucking christ on a pogo stick, my tiny lawyer heart withers a little more each day.

Oh, and let me clear:

Commissioners:  I’m gonna piss you off today.

Fursuit Makers:  I’m gonna piss you off, too.

Fuck it. You all goddamn well deserve it.

Also, let me be clear on one more thing: This isn’t the end.  These fucking commission agreements and how these things are being done have more than one problem with them, and I’m gonna be coming back to this shit.

Today, though, I want to talk about what seems to be one of the biggest fucking sticking point I’m hearing about: Paying.

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InkedFur’s Furry Friday: In re Boomer The Dog (An Argument for Boomer)

Jesus christ, somebody call Animal Control, it’s InkedFur’s Furry Friday again here on Lawyers & Liquor. This means that as I’m writing this I have the strange and discomforting sensation that only comes from knowing there are a thousand fursuited eyes reading every word, never blinking…never blinking. While I’m recovering from that mental image, take a mosey over to my sponsor, InkedFur.com, and see what they have in stock for all you sick puppies.

So you may remember back when I first stepped into the steaming heap of dogshit that led me to interact with the furry fandom in the first place I watched a little documentary called Fursonas. There was a lot to unpack in that little show, but one character/person that stuck with me through it was Gary Guy Matthews, a/k/a “Boomer the Dog” . To put it politely, Boomer is…eccentric. He’s been all over the media, I’ve found, and generally speaking is a fully grown man who not only has developed a fursona, but lives the general life of a giant fucking dog. The guy has a fursuit that he made and maintains completely out of shredded paper. He said in an interview that he has a doghouse he sleeps in.

I gotta say, I’m both a little stranged out and filled with respect for the dedication that Boomer has here.

But the pinnacle of eccentricity comes back in 2010, when Boomer petitioned the Court of Common Pleas of Allegheny County to change his name legally from Gary Guy Matthews to Boomer the motherfucking Dog. The court, of course, said “What the hell?” and denied the name change. Boomer, however, appealed the matter to the intermediate appellate court, the Pennsylvania Superior Court, which then stood firmly behind the trial court on the matter and affirmed the denial of the name change.

I…well shit guys, I gotta say…I don’t really agree with the reasoning there.

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InkedFur’s Furry Friday: Convention Hotel Rooms Aren’t A Fucking Brothel

Holy shit, is it already time to open up the cages and let the technicolor zoo roam free again? Yes, you fuzzy little assholes, it sure as shit is. Welcome to yet another Furry Friday on Lawyers & Liquor, this time brought to you by my newest, greatest partner in insanity, InkedFur.com. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one making bad decisions related to you furry fucks, and InkedFur has graciously cast their lot in with me for the time being, or until I really and truly fuck shit up. Until that time, though, they’ve also given you guys an awesome discount code on “Dakimakuras,” which my research tells me is a body pillow, for this month only with the code “BOOZYSENTYA.” Go buy shit from them. They pay me.

So, it’s been an interesting fucking month, hasn’t it? The amount of messages that have poured in since announcing you assholes were getting a monthly spot on the round-up of bad decisions has been amazing, and every suggestion you made was duly considered, then immediately disregarded. As I’ve said before, I don’t even let other attorneys dictate what I write on this site, why the hell would I let a collection of animals tell me what to do?

BUT there was something that became really goddamn clear as I spent my month awash in a sea of dildos and art (which, by the way, may just become the name of my autobiography at this point), and that was convention season is on the horizon and none of you motherfuckers have even the barest understanding of what legal rights you do and don’t have when wearing massive costumes and consuming copious amount of liquor in a rented room. So, after a few brief moments of consideration, I decided that may be a good thing: giving you guys an idea of your legal rights in regards to hotel rooms in a likely ineffective effort to keep you from getting picked up by animal control as you criss-cross the continents in search of the next sketchbook to glance in and then immediately fucking regret.

So, let’s take a moment this Furry Friday and look at hotel rooms and the law.  Go get a smoke or something. This one’s gonna be long as hell.

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