Furry Friday: Furry Legal Stories – Boozy’s Mailbag Edition

Alright folks, it’s feeding time at the zoo with the first official Furry Friday.

A few notes before I get the ball rolling today. I’ll be appearing tomorrow at Furthemore 2017 to do an adults-only Q & A tomorrow night. I expect you all to be there and to bring questions that appropriately let me tell rambling stories filled with sauce and booze. Failure to do so will result in me simply reading War and Peace on stage for an hour and a half.

Now that’s out of the way, let’s cut into the meat of today’s fucked up foray into the furry fandom. So, earlier this week I was sitting around thinking about a post topic that brought up the perfect intersection of furries and law. There were a lot of suggestions, from “fursuit contracts” all the way down to a forensic examination of the “Boomer the Dog” name change issue, but I decided, based on the amount of love you assholes were pouring into my inbox and my direct messages, to take a look at some legal situations experienced by actual furries.

Each and every thing we’re going to look at today is an actual issue that has been faced by a furry in the past, which has implicated their participation in the furry fandom. These are all drawn from actual furries. The names have not been changed to protect the innocent, because none of your  motherfuckers are innocent (Dudes…I found your porn), but I’ve excluded them nonetheless.

So, without further adieu, let’s look at how the fuck furries are getting fucked because they’re furries, okay?

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Lawyers Don’t Judge: A Followup to Yesterday and Some Art

Whoa.  Just…Just whoa. So apparently I became popular with furries yesterday. The Twitter feed for BoozyBarrister is, in the words of Habeas Porpoise (whose blog you can find in the “Links” section), a “veritable fucking Noah’s Ark of animals.” There’s fan art that has been made (I’ll stick it in the bottom of this post), and apparently more fan art being made, and people are trying to talk me into attending conventions to ply me with booze and give drunken legal talks to rooms full of furries.

I’m fucking loving it.

However, it got me thinking about some shit, mainly about why a salty lawyer such as myself somehow obtained cult status within a community in the course of 24 hours, and how it came to pass that I’ve been adopted as some sort of unofficial mascot (is pet a better word? Am I their pet lawyer now?) for furries.  I raised this issue with a couple lawyers in our super-secret-chatroom last night, and got this response:

“I think this is a result of an often ostracized group feeling as if you’ve given them mainstream legitimacy in a way that doesn’t shame them for who they are,” responded one lawyer.

“Yeah, sure,” I answered, “But, you know, people are people.”

“Yes for sure,” he told me, “but they are a group that doesn’t get that sentiment. They’re pushed to the fringes of society and I can only assume when they get a little bit of legitimacy without being made fun of they’re thrilled.”

I then may have proposed writing something about fundamentalist, evangelical Christians to see if I could attract an equal number of them to the blog and Twitter, then try to broker some sort of Camp David accord between the Furries and the Freewill Baptists.  But you know what?  Fuck that noise. I’m gonna have a much more meaningful conversation, and it’s directed at my regular readers, what I can only assume are my now-Furry Masters, and anyone else out there who feels like they can’t just be who the fuck they are with a lawyer.

We’re your lawyers, and we don’t care.

Continue reading “Lawyers Don’t Judge: A Followup to Yesterday and Some Art”

Free Furry of The Land: When SovCits and Furries Collide

Not too long ago I was fighting for a post idea. I had recently had a conversation in the super-secret-lawyer-chat (applications are apparently now open again) about furries, and decided “I bet there’s some crazy legal shit that goes down with furries.”  A google search, however, didn’t come up with anything out of the ordinary.

Then the heavens opened up, and someone sent me the drama that is the Furry Cease and Desist Sovereign Citizen.

So, yesterday this Twitter post was brought to my attention. It’s from a member of the “furry fandom,” which, if you aren’t really familiar with it, is a fandom that consists of people that create large, talking animal alter egos. Hey, I don’t judge. Some people like getting spanked while wearing diapers, some people prefer Pepsi to Coke, and some people like dressing up like…what is this…Tasmanian Devils and shit and engaging in fantasy roleplay. I once played a Bard in a D&D campaign, it’s all good in Boozy’s hood.

The thing that got me wasn’t the “furry” aspect, but the Sovereign Citizen aspect of the whole thing, once again proving that some people have insanity so strong it can bleed right the fuck through a fursuit.

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How to be Unexpected: Assessing the Social Media of an Unexpected Lawyer

Let’s talk Lawyer Websites again.

[First, let me say this to Portia Porter, Esq., whose book Alienation of Affections I have been promising to fucking review for two weeks:  I promise I’m doing it.  I swear.  I’m just in the middle of a mess of litigation and haven’t had the time to turn my thoughts into words.]

So, not too goddamn long ago I talked about two lawyer websites that hearken back to the heyday of Geocities.  That was fun, we talked about design choices and shit.  We also touched a little bit on how a website or internet presence can serve to brand your ass when it comes to obtaining clients and shit.  It was discussed, in a roundabout way, how having things like “I am a paragraph” appear on your website may take you from “competent attorney” to “can’t afford a goddamn website designer” in the eyes of a prospective client.

But what if, and stay with me here, what if your internet presence is so goddamn over the top that it’s ripe for critique?

One might even say unexpected.

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Two Lawyer Websites That Make Me Miss Geocities

So the new age of lawyer advertising is here, and it’s on the internet.  The good thing is this is a great way for lawyers to passively put their names out there and give potential clients some information on their offices.  The bad thing is that lawyers, as a fucking rule, are inept as hell when it comes to technology.  The end result of lawyers advertising on the web and technological retardation is, predictably, lawyer websites that look like they’re refugees from the Great Geocities Purge of 2009.

Of all the things we lost in the recession, Geocities is the one that hurt my soul the most.

So today’s post is going to look at two attorney websites I found recently which brought me back to the bygone days of Geocities and websites that were uglier than sin.  Hey, don’t go anywhere…I have pictures for this one!

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