Charlotte-an School of Law: A Eulogy

DING DONG, BROTHERS! You kind and generous folks who have been putting up with my shit longer than a grizzled police detective has been on the force may remember last year’s antics over at the Charlotte School of Law, or as I’ve now dubbed it, “Charlotte House of Pancakes and Legal Learnin’,” an Infinilaw owned cesspool and boil on the butt of barristers the nation over! It really wasn’t that much of a thing, you know, just a little bit of old-fashioned chicanery that got them put on probation, had their ability to accept student loans revoked, and slowly became the death spiral of all times and a great example of how not to “cover your ass” by insulting students and generally sticking their head in the sand as the world falls apart around them.

However, boys and girls, the ride has come to a definite end now, as the Charlotte “I Can’t Believe It’s A” School of Law has now closed those doors forever. Yes, the storied and esteemed history of over six years of proving the ABA accreditation process is so lenient I could likely run a law school from a port-a-potty has come to an end.  Having failed to follow the advice of legal ethics professors everywhere, namely “Don’t Miss A Goddamn Deadline,” not only once but twice in a time where the entire ability of this squad of for-profit fuck-ups to prey on those least likely to ever actually practice the goddamn law was dependent on not missing the goddamn deadline.  This, combined with the fact that the ABA has now definitively stated they have had more than enough of Charlotte “Look Ma, I’m Lawyerin’!” School of Law’s  shit, has led to the final closure of the law school.

So, here to do a moratorium and eulogy for the dearly departed Department of Dipshits that ran the place, let’s bring in the Right Reverend Boozy Barrister from the First Universal Church of Internet Lawyers.

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Stop Living Like a Pro Athlete: 5 Financial F’Ups of Small Lawyers, Part 2

Alright, so on Monday I covered two of the financial mistakes that small-firm and solo lawyers tend to make that leave them holding tin cups in front of bar association functions crying “Alms!” I promised you guys we’d continue this series, and conclude it, today, so in order to do that we’re not going to spend a lot of time prefacing crap this morning. Instead, let’s get right into talking about Financial F’Ups 3-5 for the Small Lawyer!

If you need a refresher on the shit I told you Monday, and you may because you assholes leak like a sieve when it comes to retaining information, you can re-read Part 1 here, which advises you to plan to make less money and live frugally. I don’t really expect you assholes to listen to me, because as a whole lawyers suck at taking advice from other people.

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So You Want To Be A Lawyer, Part 2: You’ll Disappoint My Dad and be Poor.

Now you know a little bit of the historical background of the legal profession, and know that we date back over two thousand years. Even as the Middle Ages stomped out scientific, cultural, and medical advances, it preserved the fucking lawyer nearly intact. The same bullshit systems that were in place under the Romans are still in place, and that’s not unexpected given the fact that lawyers, as a whole and individually, are about as likely to embrace change as Hitler would have been to appoint a Rosenbaum to his cabinet. We may not wear togas anymore, but we’re still the same goddamn profession people bitched about in Rome, and we always will be.

Still want to be a lawyer? Awesome. Spread your wings and fly, little fucking snowflake. I’m not gonna try to talk you out of it.

NOW LET ME TALK YOU THE FUCK OUT OF IT.

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Arizona Summit Schadenfreude: Another Infinilaw Diploma Mill Goes Down.

OH MY FUCKING GOD I LOVE THIS SHIT!

So, today was supposed to be all about how to not be the fucking problem in negotiations, but you know what? Fuck that noise. We’ll get back to that shit later. I’ll bore you with all of that some other time, maybe tomorrow, maybe not. We got bigger fish to fry.

Namely how the ABA has decided they need to serve a purpose and started bitch-slapping the shit out of InfiniLaw! That’s right, fresh on the heels of sticking Charlotte School of Law on a probation that seems to be sounding the death knell of that outhouse turned law school, the ABA has tasted some blood and decided to unleash hell on yet another bastion of for-profit, corporate driven legal education. While the body of its sister institution isn’t even cold and is, in fact, still jerking through the final few throes of an inglorious ending, Arizona Summit has found itself sitting squarely in the sights of a now-hungry ABA board.

Oh God, I didn’t think I could get this erect.

Continue reading “Arizona Summit Schadenfreude: Another Infinilaw Diploma Mill Goes Down.”

Charlotte-an School of Law, Part IV: Jesus fucking christ, can this place just get shut down already?

So back in November I originally posted about how Charlotte School of Law got itself put on super-secret double probation for failing to actually, you know, exhibit some discretion and judgment in accepting students.

Then, in December, I posted about how they were forced away from the government tit like the runt pig when those sweet, sweet student loan dollars were cut off.

Then, earlier this month, I completely lost my shit on Charlotte School of Law, Infinilaw, and the American Bar Association when the school announced plans to send students from the quickly-draining septic tank of their for-profit bone-picking vulture colony to the not-yet-quite-overflowing shit pile of Florida Coastal, another Infinilaw scam.

After three fucking rounds of chastising and berating all those involved with Charlotte School of Law, I thought I’d said my last piece on the matter.  I figure that maybe, just maybe, it was time to let the school suffer its death throes in peace and hope the beleagured students that, likely, should never have been in law school to begin with, made better choices and went to do something productive and profitable, like dealing drugs or becoming holistic healers.  I was ready to move on with my life and just ignore the fact that this weeping boil on the ass of legal education had ever existed.  We were going to part ways, and that was fucking that.

Then I heard the audio of the fucking meeting held in 2015 at Charlotte, where staff actively discussed how unlikely it was for students to pass the bar exam, and how the students were lazy, unmotivated, and needed to be called out for not performing or fulfilling the obligations of a mock bar exam.  Thirty-Seven Minutes of foul-mouthed, meandering, and accusatory lecturing from a member of the Charlotte School of Law staff, all of which boils down to the following:

Frankly, we have to cover our asses.

By the way, that’s not a paraphrasing.  That’s a direct fucking quote.

Can you feel the fucking love?

Continue reading “Charlotte-an School of Law, Part IV: Jesus fucking christ, can this place just get shut down already?”